Lay Report: 17 Year Old Ukrainian Minx

March 2016 and it was just about the beginning of the euro jaunt season for the year. Easter fell unusually early in mid-March that year so Ricky Roma and myself decided to hit Kiev for a ten-day trip taking advantage of the Easter holidays. March is usually borderline for a euro jaunt as the weather can still be atrocious in Eastern Europe, however, we both had high hopes as it would be the first time in Ukraine for both of us. No matter what the weather was like we knew there would be plenty of hot birds about as well as the added bonus that at that time of year we would be the first gamers to be hitting up the city.

The weather didn’t disappoint. As soon as we stepped off the plane a full on snow blizzard took hold, making us question whether choosing Ukraine at this time of year was the correct decision. It also didn’t help that we were locked out of our apartment at 1am in the arctic conditions. Great start.

We spent the first couple of days exploring the city mixing up the approaching on the main street- Khreshchatyk, along with the main mall- Ocean plaza and collecting numbers. As expected the quality of the girls was high but we found there wasn’t enough of them around during the day, probably due to the weather so we had to rely on approaching after 5pm on Khreshchatyk street.

Along with the weather things weren’t going well. I was getting quite a lot of flakey numbers and the one date I had up to that point ended in the girl disappearing when I went to the pay the bill, I guess she just wanted free drinks. That was a first for me.  However, things started to look up.

One evening Ricky Roma and myself were rolling off approaches on Khreshchatyk when I saw a pretty girl walk past and flash me a look. She was wearing a bright pink jacket which really made her stand out on that dark evening in bleak Kiev. I got round in front of her and approached.

Excuse me, I know this is random but I wanted to come and say you look really pretty. Your pink jacket makes you look very feminine.


я не понимаю


Not a word of English. Here we go again.

I pulled out Google Translate on my phone and proceeded to do the rest of the set passing my phone to one another as well as using strong sub communication to project my intent. Even though no English was spoken she knew exactly what was going on. I found out she was a student in Kiev and her name was Alina. She was in a rush so we exchanged Facebooks and she ran off to the tram stop.

Due to the fact not much game was to be had during the day along with that fact Kiev was such a bleak city with nothing to do, Ricky Roma and myself booked a spontaneous day trip to visit Chernobyl. Half way through the trip I remembered Alina from the evening before and thought I may as well try to get her out that evening. During one of our breaks from the ‘sightseeing’ I managed to find some Chernobyl WIFI- no small feat! I invited her out for that evening over Facebook and she accepted.

Chernobyl Daygame
Chernobyl Daygame

I met Alina by the Vodafone store on Khreshchatyk and noticed she had done herself up nicely, she had obviously put a lot of thought into how she looked. Easily a high 7. With no English spoken I led her to the Porter pub located 30 seconds from our apartment. How convenient.

Over drinks I followed my usual date structure but this time using Google Translate taking turns in asking each other questions by passing my phone to one another over the table, sometimes in complete silence as a couple on the table next to us realise what’s going on and give me a funny look.

Up to this point this was about the third time I had been on a date with a girl who spoke literally no English, having to rely on using Google Translate. It sounds crazy to the average guy that this is even possible, but women are women, they all want the same thing, and attraction and desire goes a hell of a lot deeper than the words we are speaking. I do enjoy being in this situation as its always a good reminder that we shouldn’t always focus on the words we are saying as it’s the sub communication which matters by focusing on strong deep eye contact along with slow and sexual voice tonality.

I continued the date alternating between getting to know each other over Google Translate and telling stories using strong sub communications to project my intent with full knowledge she doesn’t understand a word I’m saying.


How old are you? (using google translate)




Awesome. Up to this point in 2016 Alina was the youngest girl I had been on a date with, at first this took me by surprise and I didn’t know what to think but I quickly came to the conclusion there is nothing wrong with this whatsoever.


When was your last relationship?


6 months ago


Haven’t you dated any men since?                      


No. I just have sex with my female friend as its best to do it with someone you know


I think it’s fair to say I wasn’t expecting that, that’s a green flag if I’ve ever seen one. Shortly after I go for the kiss, she accepts. I decide to go for the bounceback.


It’s still early and I’m bored of this place, would you like to come back to mine for a bit to watch a film?


                                                                                                               Maybe. Where is you place?


Literally 30 seconds away




It’s on. We basically walk across the courtyard to my place, open the front door and wait for the elevator to take us up to my apartment on the 5th floor. As we step in the elevator which you could compare to a small cupboard, a scumbag Turkish sex tourist also steps inside accompanied with a Ukrainian whore. The four of us take the lift up in complete silence, it was so cramped our noses were basically touching. It was a scene straight out of a film. Awkward.

We finally get to my apartment, enter my room and sit on my bed. She starts typing into Google Translate again on my phone


                                                                                                     Are you looking for sex with me?


I decide actions speak louder than words, I kiss her. Clothes come off and we start fucking, it was awesome. After a while I start to lick her out as I thought nothing would be better than enjoying a 17 year old pussy. I was right.

As I’m going down on Alina, her cute little legs are trembling either side of my head like two jackhammers. She must be enjoying this.

Afterwards she gets up and shuffles to the toilet like an old lady, as though she has been injured. I start to worry that I’ve hurt her as she’s only a small 17 year old and I start thinking I could be in trouble. I start worrying and playing scenarios in my head where I’m dragging Ricky out of bed and having to immediately find a new apartment for the rest of the trip so no one can find me.

She finally comes back from the bathroom and I ask her if she’s ok. She sits down on my bed, picks up my phone and I can clearly see her hands are trembling, she’s even struggling to type into Google translate.

With what feels like an eternity and with me anxiously waiting what message will be displayed on the screen, Alina finally turns the phone round and in plain English it says-


Thank you so much, that was my first ever orgasm


Hallelujah. I wasn’t expecting that. We finish up and I see Alina out downstairs, with her still seeming incredibly thankful.

Ricky and myself enjoy the rest of our trip and I end up seeing Alina one more time before I leave. Kiev soon turned out to be a great trip.

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